Apologies
by bacta.junkie
Summary: Slytherins hate apologizing. Late one night, with the help of some liquid courage and a heavy heart, Draco Malfoy seeks to change that, and in the process, right a few wrongs.


**I'm not sure where this came from. It's the first fan fiction I've ever written that has zero romance to it whatsoever. I am quite proud of it, however. To avoid confusion, I'd like to inform you that the letters written to people who are canonically _alive_ he actually intends to send to those people; it's not like he's writing all these letters to people and then stuffing them in a drawer somewhere, or burning them. Well, the ones to the deceased will be burned, but not so that nobody will read them, but in the hopes that they will be found beyond the veil. In fact, let's say he burnt them in the fireplace after tossing a handful of floo powder into it and whispering 'heaven'.**

**Disclaimer: all characters, events, and locations referenced in this story are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner Brothers Entertainment.**

* * *

Dear Tonks…

I know we were cousins, but I never really got close to you, since your mother, Andromeda, was ostracized from the Black family- well, you know the story.

I'm told you were a wonderful person, as well as a metamorphagus- I'm told you married Professor Lupin and that you had a son with him. I'm told that you were in Hufflepuff, that you were a star auror, that you were a great friend to everyone you met. I'm told all of these things, because you aren't around anymore, and I'll never be able to ask you what it was like knowing your cousins were death eaters and what it was like being married to a werewolf or even just what your days at Hogwarts were like, what you liked to do, what your favorite song was. You were my cousin, and we never met, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry you had to die in the pursuit of something I helped try to destroy. I'm sorry I can never tell you these things.

I'm sorry.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Professor Lupin…

I'm sorry for being such a horrible student. I'm sorry for trying to get you fired. I'm sorry for looking down on you for being a werewolf. I met Fenrir Greyback- spent a great deal of time around him, in fact. He's not a nice man. If you were anything like him- well you weren't. You never let your…_condition_ get the best of you. I admire you for that.

Thank you for teaching me. You honestly were the best Defense professor I had during my time at Hogwarts.

I'll be sure to take good care of your son- I've met him, know; he's my cousin. He looks just like you.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Longbottom…

Sorry for bullying you all those years. You didn't deserve it, I had nothing against you in particular- hell, you were even a pureblood, from an ancient family, and I still picked on you. You were Gryffindor- that was reason enough for me. I know an apology seems empty at this point, and I understand if you still think I'm a scumbag- I wouldn't blame you; I honestly was a scumbag when you knew me. I'm a changed man now- I liked that speech you gave the Dark Lord in the courtyard. It was courageous and suicidal and everything I've come to expect from Gryffindor. In the past I would've seen that as a bad thing. Now I'm not so sure.

Come out for drinks with me sometime. You can bring someone with you if you like. I just want a chance to show you I'm not a complete arse anymore.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Lovegood…

I'm sorry for picking on you at Hogwarts. I led the charge, mostly- stole your shoes, stole your wand, stole your textbooks, anything and everything I could do to make your life hell, solely to get a reaction from you. If any of the things I took from you are still missing, I'll gladly buy you replacements. I've recently learned that money can't replace some things, but I at least have to try.

I'm sorry for keeping you prisoner in the manor during the war. I'm not sorry for keeping you safe. I'm quite proud of myself for that, actually- I consider it the one thing I did right during those days, as well as being my little act of rebellion against the Dark Lord. I kept you fed, healthy, clean, and safe, even away from Hogwarts- and honestly, you were probably safer in my cellar than at Hogwarts during those days. I'm glad Potter got you out, though. I don't know how much longer I could protect you from the others.

It's about ten years overdue, and I really should've said so years ago, but I'm sorry about your mum. I knew her, all three of you really, before Hogwarts- do you remember? We met a few times before I turned into that monster. I heard about her when it happened, but I never said anything. I am really, truly sorry for your loss.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Teddy…

I'm your cousin. I'm going to be one of the faces you recall from your earliest memories. I'm glad for that; spending time with you makes me feel better about doing the things I did before, like somehow helping to raise a child can redeem me, even just a little bit, even though I was part of the reason that child's parents aren't around.

I'm sorry for that too, Teddy. I knew your dad, but I didn't know your mum. I can tell you this, though; your father was a great man. You should be very proud of him, of both of them.

There will be days we spend together where people will whisper things and give me nasty looks and you have to understand, that's not because of what I did- I'm not a bad man, not anymore. But they see me, a free man whose crimes went unpunished because he committed them under threat of torture and death, and they can't help but take out their grief and anger and frustration on me. I don't blame them. I just want you to understand that sometimes it's going to happen. Hopefully you won't have to watch them attack me- hopefully they'll have stopped by the time you're old enough to notice.

I'm really looking forward to watching you grow up. Maybe someday I'll let you read this letter, when you're old enough to understand.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Weasley Family…

I am so, so, so sorry about Fred. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling now that he's gone.

I am sorry for all of the things I, and by extension my father and my family as a whole, have said done to you and the entire Weasley clan. I have heard wonderful stories about each of you and I know that I could've been a million times more polite and friendly to those of you who had the misfortune of meeting me and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that my father was such a jerk, and I'm sorry for rubbing my wealth in your faces, and I'm sorry for treating you all like dirt. I'm honestly a bit jealous of the closeness you all have. My family is close, but never warm or inviting. I wish I knew what that felt like.

I am hesitant to offer you my hand in friendship- not for my sake, but for yours. I urge you to consider it. I know I don't deserve a second chance. I wouldn't blame you for not accepting. I just want an opportunity to prove to all of you that I am truly, deeply ashamed of my actions and am trying to repent.

Allow me to treat the entire family to an expensive dinner or something. Just once, and then you'll never have to see me face again. My money is all I have to offer at this point. If you do not wish to be seen in a restaurant with me, then allow me to spend a meal at your home with you- if only to see that warmth up close.

I think, in another life, I could've been quite close to you all. Now that I've gotten past the superficial and ideological differences between our two families, I realize that what you have is something I've spent my entire life looking for: someplace you belong, and people you belong to.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Professor Snape,

I miss you terribly. You were like a second father to me. I hope that, wherever you are, you're finally happy.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Professor Dumbledore…

I'm sorry I didn't give you enough credit while I was your student. I'm sorry I tried to kill you. I know you thought I had a choice, that I could've done something different, and although I disagree, the fact that you believed in me when nobody, including myself and my parents, did, means more than I can possibly put into words.

I hope that I've made the right choices, in the end. I'm still not sure if I believe in myself, but the fact that you did gives me hope.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Katie Bell…

I don't know you very well, and I never have, but I am responsible for nearly killing you, and I should apologize for that. I don't know what happened to you after my sixth year, I'm not even sure if you're still alive, but I hope that whether you are or not, you've found peace and happiness away far from people like me.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Vince,

I'm sorry I never treated you like a friend. You and Greg were the closest things I had to friends for years and I still treated you both like shit. That said, I valued your company more than I would ever admit, and now that you're gone, I miss you a great deal. We were all on the wrong side of a bad situation, and that doesn't forgive our actions, but it helps. I would've liked to have actually talked to you, had a real conversation, as friends, even once. The fact that I don't know a single thing about you makes me feel nothing but shame and regret.

Wherever you are, I hope you're happy now.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Greg,

It's taken me a long time to write this letter because I'm not quite sure what to say. First of all, I'm really sorry about Vince. He was my best friend too, you both were, but I know you were a lot closer to each other than either of you were to me. I'd like it if we could go get drinks sometime, and I could get to know you as a real person instead of just a follower. Maybe you could tell me about Vince. I don't know much about him, or you for that matter.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Pansy,

We were kids, confused and fairly certain we had it all figured out. We were wrong. I see that now. I'm trying to set right as many of the wrongs I've done as I can, and it's a long road ahead of me, but every step I take makes me feel a little better about myself. You were probably my closest friend at Hogwarts, not to mention my oldest, since we've been friends since we were in diapers, but I took advantage of your presence for years, and now that I've had some time to think, I realize that I've been a bad friend to you and I need to make it up to you. Let me buy you dinner- as friends. Just once, and then you never have to put up with me again if you choose.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Hermione Granger…

You, more than anyone else in the world, I have wronged directly. I put you through so much during our time at Hogwarts- you punched me in the face, remember? Third year. You broke my nose. I deserved it. I called you awful slurs, hexed you repeatedly, and generally treated you like the literal dirt beneath my feet. You were never any worse than I was- in fact, you've always been better at magic than me, a fact which irritated me to no end. I'm actually very glad to have known you- having met and seen firsthand a muggle-born witch who excels at magic helped expedite the change of heart that led to my atonement. If it weren't for you, I might still be a muggle-hating pompous sack of shit.

I don't have a great deal I can say to you, except that, I am truly, deeply sorry for my actions and my words. If you broke every bone in my body _the muggle way_ it wouldn't be a fraction of the punishment I'm due for the things I said and did to you, and as it is, that broken nose hurt like hell, but if you can think of something, anything, I can do for you to help make things right so that you can forgive me, even a little bit, please tell me. If you wish to continue hating me and believing I'm a _foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach_, don't respond to this letter. I'll understand.

I heard about what you did to/for your parents. That was incredibly brave. I couldn't have done something like that.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Ron Weasley…

I wrote a letter to your whole family that you may or may not have read, but I'd just like to address one to you personally- having been in the same year at Hogwarts, you more than any other Weasley bore the brunt of my ridicule and abuse. I'm sorry for all the things I've said and done to you and the people you care about- truly sorry. I know you probably don't believe it, and I don't blame you for that, but I genuinely regret my actions.

I spent many years of my life believing in things that I now know are not only false but also cruel and, at their most extreme, destructive to a great many good, innocent people. No amount of apologies will ever make right the things I'm responsible for, but I am trying. I have recognized the error of my ways. It would mean a great deal to me if you could find it in your heart to forgive me. I envy you, you know. I'm an only child who grew up in a big empty house with stiff, cold parents. I would've loved to have your childhood, your family. I'd never have admitted it when we were kids, but the war changed all of us. I just happen to be one of the few people it changed for the better. If you'll let me, I'd like to talk to you in person- perhaps over a drink sometime, and I can show you that I've changed. Bring Potter too, if he's willing.

I'm sorry about your brother. I'm sorry about all the people you lost. I'm so, so sorry.

Draco Malfoy

* * *

Dear Harry Potter…

Thank you for saving my life and the lives of everyone that were threatened by the Dark Lord's rule. The day we met, when I was rude and cruel to you and your friends, I'm sorry for that- I really wanted to be your friend that day. I still do, really. I forgive you for nearly killing me in our sixth year- you were right all along, and although I didn't want to die, and I still don't, I can't argue with your use of curses- were the roles switched, I probably would've tried to kill me too.

But this is a letter of apology, not gratitude. I'm trying to fix my life, and I'm starting by fixing all the lives I've ruined in any way I can. I was rude to you, and cruel to your friends, and spent years of my life trying to humiliate you and even physically hurt you, but in the end, you still saved my life, over and over again, and while it brings me pride to have done the same for you even once, that day when you were brought to the manor, I know that it doesn't make up for the things I did and said. I think, though, that under better circumstances, had I been less prejudiced and arrogant, we could've been good friends. I think we still can be. I want to make it up to you any way I can. If you ever need anything from me, don't hesitate to ask. I know it's hard for Gryffindors to ask for help- it's hard for Slytherins too. We're not all that different, to be honest. I'm just sorry it took me so long to figure that out.

Let me try and be your friend- I know that sounds weird, but I've never really had friends, and I can't think of a better place to start than with yourself. Let me know if you're interested. We can get a drink and talk about the future. Bring Weasley too, I want to be his friend as well. If you're not interested, just don't reply to this letter. I'll understand. I just hope you can forgive me. Please.

I'm sorry about your parents. I'm sorry about Dumbledore, and Lupin, and Tonks, and your owl, and Fred Weasley, and all the people who were hurt or lost in the struggle against the Dark Lord. I was on the wrong side, and I made bad decisions, but I'm trying to make things right- I'm trying to apologize. I need to apologize. I've sent letters to everyone I could think of, you know, even some of the people who aren't around to read them anymore, and even if not a single person forgives me for what I did, I still need to try, because I can't even begin to forgive myself until I've begged forgiveness from every single person I hurt in my prejudice and arrogance.

Draco Malfoy

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**I hope everyone enjoyed it. I cried at least three times while writing this.**


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